


As I Lay Dying

by Vertolina



Series: Even The Devil Needs A Friend [7]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Azrael has a few questions, Gen, Lucifer is in the background here, Not Beta Read, One Shot, Remember when Lucifer said his sister isn't a sweet peach, The title is quite literal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-05 21:13:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11021718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vertolina/pseuds/Vertolina
Summary: Azrael uses a recent opportunity to visit Earth and find out the answer to a question that has been bothering her for a while.





	As I Lay Dying

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't read any of the other stories in this series just keep in mind that Lucifer and Dan are very good friends here and Dan knows the truth.
> 
> I had the idea for this fic for quite some time and finally managed to find time to write it down, which is a good thing because I'm not sure I'll survive the season finale. After Monday I'll probably be reduced to a mumbling mess of emotions. 
> 
> All comments are welcome! (I mean it! You, guys, make my day!)  
> Please, excuse the mistakes you'll find!

Dan seemed to have lost track of time. He couldn’t even remember how he’d gotten where he was, but he had the feeling he’d been staring at the same plain wall for hours. Before he could even ask himself why he was marveling at the sight of the whitish paint, an altercation caught his attention and he headed toward the source of the noise. His eyes were weary and it took him a few moments to take in the surroundings. The sterile floors and cold white lights were painfully familiar and he felt the fist of fear clenching his heart. A few steps were separating him from the corner of the corridor where the hospital staff was having a heated argument with someone whose voice Dan knew all too well and the detective tried to brace himself for whatever dreadful news were awaiting him.

“Sir, please, you have to--”

“It’s been _two bloody_ hours! I _demand_ to know what’s going on!”

“And I promise I will keep you updated on any change in the patient’s condition, but you need to calm down now. I assure you Dr. Rodriguez is the best surg--” The petite doe-eyed nurse jumped back in horror when Lucifer punched the nearest wall with a snarl. She cast a fearful glance at the security guards standing three feet away, but neither of them seemed inclined to intervene. Some of them had fresh wounds and bruises, indicating that at some point they had tried to pacify the Devil forcefully and had learned their lesson the hard way.

“Lucifer, what the hell, man?” Dan took a step toward his friend, but he didn’t even look at him. The tall man rested his forehead against the cold stone of the wall and for a second the detective could swear he heard him whisper the word ‘Dad’ like a prayer. After a few long moments spent in silence, he turned back to face the petrified people and muttered a promise that he would behave.

“Keep me updated, yeah?”

“Of course,” the nurse reassured him and immediately vanished from sight. A few seconds later the guards followed her example, leaving Dan and Lucifer alone in the hall.

“Lucifer… What happened?” the detective asked, unable to hide the trembling in his voice. He couldn’t recall ever seeing his friend as disheveled as he was now. His once white shirt was now red with blood and hanging loosely out of his trousers; his suit jacket was ditched in a pile on the floor; his hands were shaking, fingers absentmindedly trying to scrub the dried blood off his skin. But it was the expression on Lucifer’s face that scared him the most. His features were disfigured by concern and the glow had disappeared from his gaze, making him look a decade older. The hospital staff must have considered his appearance fearsome, but Dan knew that the threatening posture and demanding voice had been just an attempt to mask his own fears.

“Lucifer, talk to me!” he almost cried the words, anticipating what the answer would be. The hospital, the blood, the desperation in the Devil’s eyes – there was only one explanation for all of this and Dan felt his heart sinking. _Chloe._ The detective shut his eyes and tried to recall the last couple of hours, but the effort only made him dizzy. His ex-wife wasn’t even supposed to be in the city. She and Trixie had gone to New York to visit Penelope on the set of her latest movie so he had recruited Lucifer as a partner in the case he was working on. The two men had spent hours on a stakeout until the suspect had finally lost patience and had tried to meet with his associates. There had been no time to wait for the backup to arrive so Dan and Lucifer had gone to chase after him by themselves. The last thing the detective could remember was running through the dark alley in which his suspect had disappeared. His best guess was that someone must have sneaked on him and hit him on the head. Only there was no pain to prove that theory. In fact, he was barely feeling anything at all. His whole body was numb and every movement he made seemed foreign and somewhat odd. But before he could put his finger on what was going on with him, Lucifer’s phone rang and grabbed his attention.

“Yes, I’m still here,” Lucifer whispered and slowly sat on the floor, his free hand buried in the messy curls of his hair. “No… No one would tell me. Where are you?” He stayed silent for a moment, nodding at the empty space in front of him, before he continued, his voice shaking, “I was right there. I just… I couldn’t do anything. I should have--” Suddenly he jumped back on his feet and started pacing in circle. “No. I’m not beating _myself_ up. The miscreant who did this however… Yes… Okay. I’ll be here.” With one final nod, he hung up and punched the wall again.

“Lucifer…” Dan couldn’t even form a question. The ground underneath his feet felt like quicksand, threatening to swallow him whole. “Lucifer, please!”

“He can’t hear you.”

The man turned around to face the owner of the voice and instinctively stepped back when his eyes met a pair of cold blue ones. Three feet away was standing a woman, bearing the annihilating beauty of a deadly predator and Dan could feel the breath freezing in his lungs. The creature smiled at the crippling fear, written on his face and made a step forward. She was about Dan’s height and a little too thin to appear physically intimidating, but every cell in the detective’s body was urging him to run for his life and it took him more willpower than he thought he had to remain glued to his spot.

“Who are you?”

“Really?” the woman laughed and the cruel sound sent shivers down the man’s spine. “You want to prove as dumb as you look with the very first sentence that comes out of your mouth, is that it?”

“You’re Lucifer’s sister,” Dan choked on the lump stuck in his throat and a vicious delight glowed in the woman’s eyes. The night Dan had learned the truth about his friend, the fallen angel had given him a crash course in celestial beings and now the detective was summoning every bit of courage he possessed to fight the suffocating fear that was rapidly taking over him as the realization crystallized in his mind. “Azrael.”

“Ah, not so dumb after all.”

“Am I dead?”

“That depends,” the Angel of Death offered him a glimpse of a sincere smile, before putting back the mask of cold resentment.

“On what?”

“On your perception of being alive. Technically, your time hasn’t come yet. The muscle, you humans tend to romanticize so much, is still doing its job. But it is the gifted blood of strangers that runs in your veins. A machine fills your lungs with air while two pairs of hands are buried in your guts, trying to undo the damage that brought you to me.”

“So I’m… I’m _in between?_ ” Surprisingly, the thought made him calmer. Perhaps it was the fact that the end hadn’t come for him yet, or the peace he felt, knowing that Chloe and everyone he cared about were still safe and sound, but the fear was leaving him as quickly as it had claimed him.

“I guess you can say that,” Azrael whispered, more focused on studying his face. “You do realize that’s still bad news for you, right?”

“That depends on what perception you have of ‘bad news.’” Dan made a step toward Lucifer and wished he was able to reach out to him. “If you’re here, how come he can’t see us?”

“He can’t save you.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“Arrogant little cockroach, are you? I’m surprised my brother hadn’t rid himself of you by now. But, after all, he’s always had questionable taste in… companions. Millennia of hanging with demons would do that to a man.”

“He mentioned you weren’t very nice.”

“Did he now?”

“Yes,” Dan nodded as a distant and almost faded memory fought its way back to his mind. “He told me he missed you.”

“I doubt that,” the angel hissed in response, but the features of her face grew softer. She gazed at her brother for a few moments and for the first time Dan noticed the striking resemblance between the two of them. It was more than just the dark hair, the shape of the lips or the ridiculously long eyelashes. It was the pained look in the angel’s eyes that reminded him of his friend and for a brief moment he felt warmth for the creature who was about to carry his soul to the afterlife.

“I suppose it won’t be long now?” the detective dared to break the silence. “I mean, you’re already here so…”

“I wanted to talk to you,” she whispered after a moment, her struggle to focus back on the mortal man obvious. “I usually don’t come this early, but _afterwards_ it’s strictly business. It’s Heaven or Hell, bliss or horror. It’s an end and a new beginning and never enough time… in between. It’s such a pity. Because right here, stuck in this moment people are their true selves. And I’ve wanted to see who you really are for quite some time now.”

“Why?”

“Because of him,” Azrael nodded at Lucifer, who was currently shouting at the ceiling. “He’s in pain and angry, and confused… All because your skin sack is about to perish. And not just now. He knows better than anyone I have no control over whether you humans live or die and yet so often I can hear him yelling at me _‘stay away’_. I don’t think he even realizes it, but every time you decide to put your life on the line, I can hear my brother’s voice threatening me to keep my distance. Like I would have a choice.” The mask of tepidity had fallen and Dan could see through the angel’s blue eyes straight into her broken heart.

“I’m sorry,” he said half-heartedly, knowing that nothing he could do would make a difference. “But you have to understand – your brother has embraced his life on Earth. He’s grown attached to…”

“Oh, I can understand that! I know humanity better than anyone does. Even Lucifer. All he can do is unravel the secret desires you keep hidden from prying eyes. I see your true colors – the people you become when you’re about to lose everything you’ve ever known. I’ve seen how ugly you can be. Or how glorious. And I understand. I _know_ that some of you are worthy. I just can’t see how _you_ are.” Her gaze was filled with the same grim coldness that had paralyzed the man with fear when he’d first laid eyes on her, but this time he stood his ground.

“So you’re playing the protective sister card. You don’t think I’m a good influence on your brother? It’s a little late to worry about that now, don’t you think? I mean, considering the circumstances,” Dan waved at himself and the general direction of the operating room. “Why do you care?”

“Because you’re different from the others and yet he treats you the same… Better even.”

“What?”

“You’re average. Interchangeable. You always have been. I get why my brother loves Mazikeen as much as he does – she’s been his protector, his friend, his… _family_ far longer than any of us. I can understand why he’s so smitten by his darling Chloe. I can even see why he’s grown so attached to his therapist – she’s a remarkably smart woman and honestly, Luci would most certainly be lost without her. But _you?_ All you two do is drink and watch movies together. And you have the _audacity_ to call that _friendship._ Yeah, maybe you are a little bit more resilient to celestial influence than most miscreants are. But you’re in no way unique. And whatever Lucifer may think, anyone would accept the Devil as a friend if they can benefit from it.”

“So you think I’m using your brother? Makes sense to condemn me for it, considering such behavior is an entirely foreign and unacceptable concept for your family, right?”

“Careful how you speak to me!” Azrael growled at him, her intonation bearing a disturbing resemblance to her brother’s ‘Devil voice’ and clenched her fingers around the man’s throat. Agony was too weak a word to express the feeling that spread through his entire being. For the first time he sensed the fragile link, bonding him to his mortal flesh, and cried as the claws of Death threatened to severe it. His daughter’s face appeared smiling at him in his mind’s eye and he thanked with all his heart and soul for the mercy of being able to see her one last time before the darkness claimed him. He tried to find peace, knowing that she’d grow up safe and loved, but the sadness that he would not be able to be by her side, to see her grow up, to tell her how proud he was to be her dad overwhelmed all other pain he was enduring. He grabbed the hand, draining the life out of him and surprisingly, it loosened its grip. An indistinct ruckus coming from the surgery room had caught Lucifer’s attention and Azrael let go of Dan to follow her brother.

“Sir, you need to get out!” a nurse shouted at the tall man when he stormed in.

“What’s going on?” the Devil asked, though the answer was obvious from the distressed sound, coming out of the machines the motionless body on the operation table was attached to.

“This is a sterile environment. You cannot be in here! Guards!”

“He’s my friend. I--”

“You’re putting his chances of survival in jeopardy by being here. Get OUT!”

Lucifer let the guards drag him out, mumbling something under his breath.

“Let me go!” The men seemed to remember his strength from earlier and didn’t waste time to obey the command. As soon as he was free from their grasp, Lucifer marched toward the staircase and down the stairs, taking three steps at a time.

“That should be interesting,” Azrael whispered to herself, but hesitated before following the fallen angel.

“You cruel hypocritical bastard!” Lucifer stormed in the little chapel attached to the hospital and threw the first object he could get his hands on at the altar. “All those foolish souls blindly following your stupid rules, preaching about redemption. You enjoy the show from up there? I mean, why would you play with their hopes if not for your own amusement? What was it you said to us? _‘Time is precious to the mortals for it is what can turn sinners into saints?’_ Isn’t that one of the reasons you forbid us to take a human life? So they would have a chance to earn their place in the Silver City. Is that the chance you’re gonna give _him_?”

“I guess we are presented with an opportunity to test whether you see the glass half empty or half full,” Azrael chuckled and cast an annihilating glance at Dan. “On one hand, your friend thinks you’re going to go to Hell. On the other, he’s convinced you can reach Heaven if you’re given enough time to redeem yourself for your sins. How is that making you feel?”

“Fuck you!”

“Not even in your dreams.”

“I’m not going to play this game with you!”

“Why not? You have something better to do?”

“Just take my soul and leave my sight.”

“I told you – your time hasn’t come yet. And I still haven’t figured it out why Lucifer would feel more affection for you than for his own kin.”

“Well, maybe that’s because unlike _his kin_ I didn’t confine him to Hell for eternity,” the man hissed, but his words didn’t provoke the rage he expected.

Azrael averted her eyes as if to hide something emerging from their depths, and when she spoke, her voice was soft and full of sadness, “I didn’t. I stood by his side. I almost fell alongside him. Not that it mattered.”

They stayed wrapped in silence for a long moment, not knowing what to say next. The only sound was coming from Lucifer, who was now quietly cursing his Father, fighting the much more dangerous wave of desperation that was threatening to take the place of his fury.

“You… You’ll tell him I went to Heaven, right?” Dan asked, his eyes pleading.

“Heaven? Why would you think you deserve a place there? You’re a killer, a liar…”

“I know,” Dan interrupted the listing of his sins. “And I don’t think I deserve anything. Make no mistake, I know where I belong. I’m asking you to tell him what he needs to hear.”

“You’re asking me to lie?”

“For the greater good, yeah.” For a moment he marveled at his own arrogance to assume the Devil would wage a war against God for him and a nervous laughter escaped his lips. Lucifer tended to act on impulse, but Dan knew that there were people who would pacify his anger and guide him on the right path. But he also knew his friend – underneath the layers of seeming selfishness, hubris, occasional impudence and perpetual inappropriate humor he was hiding a heart large enough to shelter the whole world. Every now and again, the man managed to catch a glimpse of the real Lucifer – the angel, the Lightbringer, the ancient child who only wished to be loved. _Samael._ He’d seen the goodness in him and he knew that he would never condemn him to the fate of eternal damnation. But being saved was a luxury the man couldn’t afford. It meant his friend must die so that the Devil could return to Hell. And that wasn’t a destiny the detective wished on him. “If he thinks I’ve found peace, he’ll be… calmer. I’m mortal. He couldn’t have expected I’d live forever.”

“But if he knows you’re in Hell, he’d probably come to your rescue. You really want to give that up?”

“It’s my mess. No one else should suffer for it,” Dan shrugged and hoped that he’d be able to remain this composed when the tortures begin. “Just… Get it over with already. Please. I can’t give you the answers you’re looking for.”

“But you just did. Such a loyal little cockroach you are,” Azrael smiled at him affectionately and Dan could almost accept the offensive handle. She closed the distance between them and soon all he could see were the blue orbits of her eyes. “Are you afraid?”

“No.”

“Liar,” she scolded him without anger and reached to fondle his cheek. “It won’t hurt. At least not at first.”

“I’m ready.”

The Angel of Death wrapped her arms around him and the warmth of her body spread through him. He closed his eyes when he felt the gentle caress of feathers on his face and prayed he could stay in this moment forever.

Just before he surrendered himself to the summoning darkness, soft lips pressed lightly to his own for a tender kiss.

 

___________

 

She hadn’t lied to him – the pain did indeed come back. But it was strangely familiar, nothing like the torture he’d expected. It was a throbbing sensation in his stomach and numbness in his arm. He realized his eyes were still shut and willed his heavy eyelids to open and unveil the new world he’d call home from now on.

He was laying on a small bed, smelling of soap and bleach. His right arm was pressed under the weight of the creature he loved most in the world, while his left hand was warm from the idle touch of familiar fingers. His daughter was snuggled next to him, both of her arms wrapped around his healthy one and his ex-wife was fast asleep on a chair next to his bed, her hand still lingering on his.

“Welcome back to the land of the living,” Lucifer whispered softly, appearing in his range of vision. He was wearing a clean, but rumpled shirt and the dark circles under his eyes were a telltale that he hadn’t rested since the last time both of them were conscious. “You scared us for a moment there.”

“Lucifer… What happened?”

“You got shot. Three times. One in the chest and two in the stomach. The doctors weren’t big on giving us hope you’d wake up.”

“How long was I out?”

“About thirty six hours, if we don’t count the time you spent in surgery. You should probably wake the child up – she refused to leave your side until you were out of danger. A persistent little minx you’ve got there,” the fallen angel chuckled and an affectionate smile brightened his face, but didn’t cast away the concern in his eyes. “How are you feeling?”

“Not dead. Thirsty.”

“I’ll call the nurse.”

“No, don’t. I’m fine. Let Trixie and Chloe sleep a little longer.”

“Sorry, can’t do that. I’m not letting you die on my watch… twice.” Lucifer shook his head at the thought and headed for the door.

“Your sister misses you, you know?”

“What?”

“Azrael. I met her while I was… you know,” the man explained, wondering whether it hadn’t all been a dream. “You should call her. I think she feels neglected.”

His friend was staring at him speechless and Dan had to force himself not to laugh at his dumbstruck expression. He pondered whether to say anything else, but figured it’d be better to come clean.

“She kissed me.”

“Did she now?” That revelation seemed to bring him back to reality, his signature smirk returning to his face. “Good for you!”

“You seem suspiciously pleased,” Dan pointed out, his voice skeptical.

“I am,” Lucifer said softly and gently patted the man’s leg. “She only ever kisses the righteous souls.”

 

 


End file.
